


Winter warms my heart

by lovetowrite



Category: taekook - Fandom, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-29
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-11-07 13:09:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 7,375
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20817803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovetowrite/pseuds/lovetowrite
Summary: The boys have finally staged their last performance of the year at Music Bank before they begin their well-deserved winter holidays. It will also be their time to sort out whatever remaining plans they have put on hold because of their impossibly hectic schedule. The global success they achieved this year is unsurpassed by any other boy band. The Bangtan boys are the world's idols but Jungkook does not care for that. He is still wondering if he was Taehyung's 'idol'.





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A year ago, I came upon a heartwarming but incomplete Taekook fanfic video on YouTube. To satisfy my own curiousity, I began this series of chapters which are loosely based on our boys' real life experiences as well as events in that video. I'm taking a writer's liberty to spin my own version of what happened. I don't remember the name of the video but if the owner recognises her story in mine, please leave let me know in the comments.

‘Kook-ah, I’m really sorry for what happened last night.’

Jungkook did not react to Taehyung’s apology. He sat so still and held his breath while listening to Taehyung’s feet shuffle towards the door. As soon as he heard it close, Jungkook gasped for air and clutched his chest. He actually felt a sharp pain right in the centre.

Is this what a heartbreak feels like? he thought. How could Taehyung’s regret hurt him so much?  
What was I expecting, a love confession?

You’re a fool, Jungkook. He has just rejected you. Upon that sudden realisation, the pain became intense and Jungkook felt suffocated.  
I need to get out of here, I need to breathe, I need air! He screamed in his head. He rushed out of his room, stumbled into the hallway and steadied himself as he grabbed his boots near the front door, struggling to put them on.

‘Jungkook-ah, where are you going? It’s cold outside. Where’s your-,’

Hobi’s words were cut off as the front door slammed shut. He shrugged it off, thinking that Jungkook was having one of his insane morning runs and returned to reading the morning papers in the living room.

Jungkook was running, out of the driveway, out of the gate, just running to as far as he could. The cold wind was ripping his face, piercing his sweat shirt and pants but all he could feel was the sharp pain in his heart, as if a knife was still stuck in there. He kept on running through the woods behind the house until he reached the frozen lake.  
Panting, he fell on his knees and screamed at the grey, cloudy sky above, as if the heavens were at fault for causing his pain for loving Taehyung.  
You’re a fool, Jungkook. He has never loved you the way you do.  
Jungkook kept screaming until all that pent-up frustration was drained off him.

Without any more breath to spare, he fell on the damp grass and sobbed like a helpless child, alone and afraid like when he first arrived in Seoul at fifteen.


	2. Chapter 2

Taehyung sat in his bed, thinking of Jungkook and last night. 

They were having dinner with the members and Namjoon’s parents at the holiday house they were going to stay for the next five days. The dinner was of course to celebrate their son’s returning home from the world tour apart from just the members enjoying their time together away from the company staff, crew and whoever that spent 35 days with them, day and night. The dinner was their private moment; the members letting their hair and perhaps, their guard down. No cameras. No film, no photos.

Namjoon’s mother brought her signature chicken stew and melon pudding to complement Jin’s fiery hotteok dish. And Jungkook brought soju to everyone’s surprise. A whole carton of them which he dragged from the boot of Jin’s car. The members were delighted at the maknae’s generosity except Taehyung. Jungkook only glanced at Taehyung because he somehow knew this hyung didn’t approve of his surprise.

Namjoon’s parents were lovely and kind enough to allow the members to spend their short holiday in their hometown, in their private property. They knew how to make the boys feel at home and welcomed. Mr Kim, was witty and observant, very much like his son.  
‘You know, boys, winter has a special effect on the men,’ he revealed. ‘It’s that time of the year when we yearn for a certain kind of warmth.’

‘Thick quilts and wool sweaters!’ Hobi joked. Everyone laughed at Hobi’s corny reply.

Mr Kim was eyeing Jin who was still eating the melon pudding when he said, ‘Not warm enough. You know what I’m talking about. Thinking of a life partner, someone whom you would like to spend the rest of your life with.’ Suddenly everyone was looking at Jin, waiting for his reaction.

‘What? Me?’ Jin’s eyes almost popped out. ‘No, no, no…I’m feeling very warm right now with RJ,’ he grinned and cuddled his plushie. At 26, the eldest hyung certainly wasn’t ready for matrimony.

‘Just something you all should think about now that you have time alone to yourselves, with your families and close friends, without outside influence,’ Mr Kim suggested as he looked at every member. 

They were like his own sons, having watched them grow before his eyes, ate many home cooked meals with them over the years. He also witnessed first-hand their hardships in meeting others’ lofty expectations and their own self-doubt. He then gazed lovingly at his own pride and joy, Namjoon. Wise beyond his years, Namjoon had proven to be level-headed, and very grounded in family values. He knew more than anyone that his son whom the world currently idolized had always wanted to be a dad, like him. To have his own family to nurture and love. It will not be an easy feat to find a woman who would love his son for himself, not as the leader of BTS.

Throughout the dinner Jungkook was quiet but kept taking sips of soju. Taehyung noticed and so did Jin who sat opposite him at the table. This was nothing out of the ordinary. Alcohol never failed to keep the maknae ‘well-behaved’.

‘Uncle Kim,’ he suddenly blurted. ‘How did you know Aunty was the one for you?’ For a second, there was silence as everyone turned to look at Jungkook who was seated at the end of the dining table, partially hidden from view.

‘Jungkook-ah, you’re still so young but already thinking about this, unlike your hyungs!’ exclaimed Mr Kim, grinning at his wife.

‘I just want to know, that’s all,’ said Jungkook, glancing at Taehyung who kept his eyes on his dinner plate, biting his lower lip, looking uneasy.

‘I have an easy answer to your question. My wife’s beauty radiates warmth in me, like no other,’ Mr Kim declared and took Mrs Kim’s hand to kiss it but Namjoon pulled it away, feeling utterly embarrassed.

‘Wow, poets run in your family, Namjoon-hyung!’ Jimin exclaimed, giving Namjoon an affectionate squeeze.

Jungkook smiled and nodded, like he understood fully the meaning of Mr Kim’s answer. He stared at Taehyung who remained pensive, his eyes refusing to meet Jungkook's. He smiling at him like that confused Taehyung further.

This will be a long night, thought Taehyung.


	3. Chapter 3

Wisps of white floated through the window and jolted Tahyung from his thoughts. 

It has been fifteen minutes since he left Jungkook’s room. He got up and walked to the window. He looked out and saw the first snowflakes were falling. How strange, Ilsan hasn’t seen snow in years Namjoon told them when the members insisted on coming to his hometown for their winter vacation. Was this a coincidence? But didn’t he always believe that things happen for a reason, for a purpose?

First snow in Ilsan in years…  
He and Jungkook’s first kiss…  
It was not a coincidence. It was destiny.

He wanted to take back his words. He didn’t care about his image but why did he say to Jungkook he did? Why did he say he was sorry for what had happened between them? Sure, Jungkook had made the first move to kiss him in his drunken state after the dinner party but he kissed him back, didn’t he? He wanted to do it and was completely sober.  
What are you afraid of, Taehyung? Why can’t you just tell him the truth? He chided himself for being such a pathetic coward. 

Taehyung quickly closed the windows. He was going to see Jungkook and explain to him about last night. To tell him the truth. Suddenly, his heart was beating wildly at the thought. Was he nervous, afraid or excited? He wondered at his mixed emotions, not knowing how he truly felt. He put on his cardigan and slippers and strode out of his room to Jungkook’s across the hallway.

‘Jungkook-ah, can I come in?’ he rapped on the door and waited. He called out again but still no response.

Quietly, he turned the door knob only to find the door wasn’t locked and Jungkook wasn’t in his room. He looked around and noticed Jungkook’s overcoat and neck scarf were still hanging on the rack, his phone on the table. Where did he go? 

Namjoon’s holiday house was a large one-storey bungalow that his family had kept in good condition for fifteen years. Although it was the first time that Taehyung and the members were spending their holiday there, they never felt so at home and safe as in Ilsan.

Taehyung burst into the kitchen. Jimin and Jin were having their breakfast of lotus seed buns at the table and looked up at him with disinterest.

‘Have you seen Jungkook?’ They shook their heads, their mouths full of Ilsan’s local delicacy.  
He darted into the living room only to find Hobi alone on the couch. Taehyung frowned at Jungkook’s sudden disappearance.

‘That crazy boy walked out without a word, without a coat or neck scarf. You two are fighting again, aren’t you?’ Hobi blurted, and annoyed as he looked at Taehyung with a sigh. He knew them both so well.

Without answering, Taehyung ran back to his room to put on his winter jacket and grabbed Jungkook’s coat as well. He was furious and also frightened that the maknae could just walk into the snow like that. What was he thinking? How could he behave like a child at twenty-one? 

At that very moment, a surge of love flooded Taehyung’s heart, thinking of Jungkook as a twenty-one-year old child. He admitted he had always treated Jungkook like a baby, mothering him, making him his playmate, protecting him, and looking out for him for the last six years. But he also knew that his feelings for Jungkook were changing into something more, something deeper. He dared not explain what the feelings were but he knew he could not lose him. He could not live without him. 

With that thought, Taehyung hurried out of the front door and ran into the snow in search of Jungkook.


	4. Chapter 4

Jungkook stared at the lake as the snow fell heavily, enveloping him like a cold blanket. His own tears had dried a while ago but the flakes on his face turned to droplets that trickled down his cheeks like fresh tears. Suddenly he shivered and sat up to realise he was freezing and how childish he had behaved – running into the cold without his warm outer wear, and risking being caught in public for screaming and crying, all because of Taehyung.

He was never this emotional about a person. In fact, he was known to be very shy and distant towards the members when he first joined the group but Taehyung changed his life. He had awakened feelings in him he never knew he had, and helped him discover and build friendships with all his hyungs. These days, his hyungs loved to smother him with cuddles, tickles and teasings just to make him laugh. It was Taehyung who taught him to feel free to express himself, to return his warm embraces with the brothers as well. Taehyung has taught him to feel love from others and show love for them.

But why does he feel the love is not enough, that it is not the kind of love he needs right now?

***

‘Jungkook!’

Taehyung hollered as he ran into the main road that led to the town but it was deserted. Feeling strongly that Jungkook would not be heading there without transport, he turned back to the house and to its backyard as the snow was falling fast. There he noticed a gravel pathway leading into the woods and followed where it would lead him.

‘Jungkook!’

He yelled as he rambled through the trees but the silence was deafening and it worried him. _Where is he?_ Taehyung cried in his heart while his chest felt it was breaking in two at the thought of Jungkook running away from him.

_Don’t leave me, _he prayed.

***

_You’re a man, Jungkook but Taehyung only sees you as a child to be mothered because you act like one, even when drunk._

Jungkook finally understood where he had gone wrong that night. Taehyung did not see him as a man. He couldn’t even hold his drink and instead acted on impulse. Taehyung was struggling to bring a drunken man-child back to his room before he embarrassed himself further in front of Namjoon's parents and his hyungs. He remembered trying to serenade to Taehyung before being pushed out of the dining room. As soon as Taehyung put him to bed, Jungkook now recalled grabbing his face and forcefully kissing his hyung. Feeling ashamed for wanting more than what he deserved from their supposed relationship, he stood up and brushed off the snow from his hair, and his clothes. They were damp by then and he needed to hurry back before he caught the chills.

***

Taehyung wandered further into the woods with still no sign of Jungkook. He was about to turn back when he caught sight of something bluish gleaming among the trees in the distance. As he stepped out of the woods, he realised it was the famous Ilsan lake, frozen yet beautiful.

And then he noticed a body huddled in the snow.

_Jungkook!_ He wanted to scream in panic when the body suddenly moved. It sat up and its arms hugged its shivering self. It was Jungkook, alright, Taehyung sighed with relief but he didn’t move. Instead, he ached with yearning as he watched his dongsaeng stand up and brush the snow from his body.

***

Jungkook turned around and there was Taehyung standing just metres away, watching him.

_How long has he been there? _He wondered and stared back in silence.

_Why did you have to come and look for me? Stop caring for me_, he pleaded with his eyes.

Taehyung walked several steps towards him, without breaking his gaze. ‘Yah, you forgot this,’ his deep voice growled as he held up Jungkook’s coat.

_He is mad at me_, Jungkook thought as Taehyung kept his steely gaze on him. He hated being scolded by his hyungs when he made a mistake. He had always wanted to please them and impress them, especially Taehyung.

Like a parent, Taehyung was particular about the members keeping themselves properly warm in winter because of how his late grandmother looked after him in Daegu throughout his childhood. She would bundle him up like a spring roll before they went out and fed him her delicious hot soups at every meal.

‘Are you alright?’ Taehyung’s voice immediately softened with the same yearning to hold Jungkook and protect him but he hesitated, unsure of the younger’s possible reaction.

Jungkook didn’t say a word. He looked rather pale and dishevelled, his eyes screaming for a warm embrace but Taehyung was fighting the urge to wrap him in his arms. Seeing Jungkook not responding to his question, he strode towards him and helped him with his coat.

‘You’re freezing. Let’s go home.’

Jungkook shrugged off Taehyung’s hands._ ‘_Hyung, you don’t have to do this for me. I can take care of myself.’ Without waiting for him, Jungkook pulled his coat over his head and made his way back to the house.

Taehyung, saddened by what he felt was a rejection, treaded after him. _I want to take care of you. Let me take care of you. Let me love you, Jungkook. _He uttered under his breath what he truly wanted to say but didn’t have the courage to confess.

The snow was getting in the way but he kept watching Jungkook closely from behind, like he had always done so many times before.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The remaining chapters will focus on how the two young men resolve their feelings for one another. Being a close-knit group, the other members will play a part in some small way that I imagined they would be. I don't write smut but I could add a bit of fluff here and there.

When Jungkook walked through the front door, he saw his hyungs already gathered in the living room, apparently waiting for him. As soon as they saw him, the questions came fast and furious.

‘Yah-Jungkook! Where were you?’

‘Don’t you know you can get sick going out in the snow like that?’

‘Did anyone see you?’

‘Are you an idiot?’

Jungkook felt ashamed of himself for worrying his members when he should have known better. However, as usual he broke into a cute smile to appease and assure them that he was fine, especially Namjoon who was responsible for bringing them there.

‘I-I thought I would do my morning run at Ilsan Lake which I have heard so much about. I didn’t know it was going to snow today. I’m sorry.’ That was a half-truth but Jungkook pouted at Namjoon, eyeing his leader’s forgiveness.

Frowning, Namjoon chided, ‘Still, you can’t just disappear like that, Kook-ah.’

Just at that moment, Taehyung came into the living room. ‘Don’t worry, no one saw us. He is right about the lake, though. You guys should check it out. It’s beautiful. If it wasn’t for the snow, we would have stayed longer,’ Taehyung cheerfully added.

‘When are you going to take us there, Joon-hyung?’

‘Can we skate there?’

‘I can’t skate, what about we play snow fights?’

‘What about this afternoon?’

Now the members were pestering Namjoon for a trip to the lake and he forgot about reprimanding their youngest member. He was beaming with pride when the members showed so much interest in his hometown. Jungkook knew Taehyung had just saved the day for him, as always whenever he got into trouble with his hyungs. He never realized how much Taehyung had taken care of him. He never thanked him for it. His heart swelling with guilt, he eyed Taehyung, perhaps a bit too long.

‘Err…Jungkook-ah, go and take a warm shower now before you catch a cold. Make sure you join us for lunch cos I’m making kimbap,’ Jin ordered in his motherly voice.

What is there not to love about his hyungs? When one of them scolds him, another will protect and comfort him. As the youngest, he is in a privileged position and had never felt he was unjustly treated. Instead, he only felt being loved by them.

_But why then does he feel the love is still not enough, that it is not the kind of love he needs right now?_

Smiling sheepishly at them, he returned to his room, relieved to have avoided further queries, and Taehyung’s sad gaze.

***

As promised, Namjoon brought all the members to Ilsan Lake just before sunset. By this time the snow had stopped falling, leaving the grassy field speckled with white, and the lake a bluish grey sheen. The sight was simply beautiful and peaceful to the members who stood on a small platform at the water’s edge. The lake has been Namjoon’s inspiration to write his poetic lyrics whenever he is back home. He would sit on this platform and simply stare at the water to calm his mind. It’s like being in a temple.

Jimin has his arms around Taehyung who was trying to take pictures of the lake with his phone. Taehyung loves the winter season, particularly. The pale and grey tones in the surroundings appeal to him, and suit the sombre moods he was having these days. Jimin was always quick to catch Taehyung’s changing moods and would stay close to him just to cheer him up. Jungkook was standing further away, next to Suga and Jin. The two hyungs were talking about going fishing at the lake, a topic that bored the maknae. He just didn’t want to feel awkward being too close to Tae. Hobi and Namjoon were peering at the lake.

‘The lake is not frozen solid so no skating, guys,’ Namjoon uttered his disappointment.

‘Not enough snow for snow fights, either,’ Jimin sighed as he looked around.

‘No fish to fish, too.’ That was Jin’s attempt to lift everyone’s spirits but only Hobi laughed at his corny pun.

‘No need to feel miserable over small matters. I have ordered lamb skewers for dinner. My treat,’ Suga suddenly announced, bringing a cheery response from the boys. They all knew it was also Suga’s excuse to stay indoors.

‘Lamb skewers go well with soju. Shall I go get some?’ Jungkook suddenly volunteered.

‘NO!’ His hyungs’ objection came loud and clear. No one wanted a repeat of the maknae’s embarrassing romantic overtures the previous night, no thanks to his five bottles of soju. He had clearly forgoten the part where before he had serenaded his cover hit _All of my Life_ to Taehyung, he was flirting with every member, asking, _Are you the one for me?_ Namjoon could not have been more embarrassed watching his parents’ surprised expression as they stared at the maknae’s drunken antics.

The hyungs didn’t understand. Soju helps him empty his mind of fears so that he feels brave enough to do and say what he feels. And it keeps him warm, too. As they were walking back to the bungalow, Jungkook quickened his pace. He couldn’t wait to get back to the well-heated house, and to his room so that he has no reason to seek warmth from a certain someone.


	6. Chapter 6

Dinner was great but no amount of lamb skewers could make the two youngest speak a word to each other. The other members chatted a lot but Jungkook said little and only laughed along to avoid unwanted attention. Taehyung fared better. Being the actor that he was, he was able to mask any unhappiness with his boxy smiles and affectionate gestures towards them. But as soon as their attention was diverted he would steal glances at Jungkook and his smiles would fade.

The hyungs noticed it.

Jungkook felt the air around the table a bit too stuffy and was the first to leave, giving the excuse he needed to reply to some text messages from his friends. In truth, he preferred to spend every moment locked in his room editing videos and writing music than being ignored by Taehyung. He had brought along his laptop on this trip to finish a secret project. He got up and carried his plate to the kitchen while Taehyung’s eyes followed his every move until he disappeared into the hallway.

‘Ahem,’ Jin cleared his throat ever so loudly.

Taehyung blushed when he realised what he had just done in full view of his members and masked his embarrassment by drinking his tea.

‘You like what you see?’ Jin continued with his teasing. 

‘Hyung, stop it,’ Taehyung whined and wanted to leave the table. He could not look at their faces.

Suga held his arm, and added in his serious voice, ‘Nothing to feel shy about, Tae. Kook is a very attractive man.’ 

‘Cute, too! I love his cheeks!’ Jimin giggled and squeezed Taehyung’s cheeks instead.

‘Ow!’ Taehyung cried out and slapped Jimin’s hand but was hugged instead.

‘More importantly, he is loving, kind, and sincere towards you,’ Namjoon expressed with honesty.

‘I agree 100 per cent!’ Hobi chipped in.

‘What’s all this about, guys?’ asked Taehyung, looking almost genuinely oblivious to what the members were up to. 

‘You have our approval!’ came the chorus reply.

***

Namjoon came into Jungkook’s room afterwards to see if he was alright. ‘What are you doing, Kook?’ he asked, seeing Jungkook looking at some pictures on the screen. They were of Taehyung.

‘Oh, this?’ I-huh-I'm preparing a surprise birthday gift for Taehyung,’ he grinned at Namjoon shyly.

‘I see…so are you going to tell me what’s going on between you and Tae?’ Namjoon queried and sat down on Jungkook’s bed. 

Jungkook tried to play it off as though there wasn’t an issue, although he could tell his hyung knew something was up.

‘What do you mean, hyung? Nothing is going on between us,’ Jungkook glanced at Namjoon and quickly returned to the screen.

‘Exactly! Nothing means something is going on! Two of you being so quiet only means there’s trouble for the rest of us,’ Namjoon explained. 

Jungkook remained silent but looked at Namjoon, the hyung that inspired him to make the wisest decision of his life to join the group. He had always trusted Namjoon.

‘Jungkook-ah, whatever misunderstanding you are having with Taehyung right now, you better resolve it. We can’t afford to have two members living with us, on stage, and in front of the camera looking miserable. We have big stages to perform next month,’ Namjoon firmly advised him when he refused to open up. 

From the sound of his words, Jungkook felt he was being tasked to make the first move to settle the matter with Taehyung, to act like an adult and take responsibility. He recalled how Taehyung never gave up on him when he was painfully shy. Or how he went along with every silly thing he did so he would never feel foolish. He also recalled the many times Taehyung would let him crawl into his bed and never question him as to why. He knew he couldn’t possibly repay him for his friendship but avoiding him like this made him appear completely ungrateful towards the kindest and most loving man he had ever known. 

_I need to be honest with him. Even if it changes everything and he never loves me the same way again, he deserves to know the truth about my feelings towards him._ _I can no longer hold them back._

The maknae tried to set aside all his selfish and paranoid thoughts. He also thought about how Taehyung hadn’t been himself for months now. He didn’t smile or laugh as often and always looked so sombre these days. Their fans thought he was still grieving over his late grandfather but Jungkook believed _he_ had caused Taehyung’s unhappiness. His eyes started to tear up.

***

It was late, and their last night in Ilsan before they returned to Seoul the next day. The members were probably asleep but Jungkook was pacing up and down his room thinking of what to say to Taehyung. He couldn’t wait any longer and left his room wearing his hoodie and sweat pants. 

The hallway was quiet. Only a small light in Jin and Namjoon’s rooms were on and a dim one under Taehyung’s door. He stood facing the door for a full five minutes listening to the silence of the night. Although the house was heated, he could feel the chill of the winter storm outside. His heart pounded in his chest. 

He lightly tapped on the door.

‘Yes?’ A soft but deep voice answered from inside.


	7. Chapter 7

_Taehyung peered through the glass window in the living room and saw only darkness and deserted streets. It was close to midnight but there was no sign of Jungkook. Taehyung was strictly ordered to wait for him while the other members were having a late-night rehearsal. He was nursing a cold and a bout of homesickness in his first winter away from his family. _

_Back in Daegu, at this time, he would be snuggling next to his grandmother, her warm arms wrapped around him. He also missed his young cousins whom he would be taking care of while his aunts were at work. In their eyes, he was the trusted hyung who looked after them, fussed over them and played with them but this time, he was the youngest in the group being fussed over by his hyungs. He didn’t like being constantly told what to do, and to act serious all the time. He wondered if this newest member he was staying up all night for would be another hyung to order him around. He dreaded at the misery he was going to live with._

_A light tapping on the door interrupted his thoughts. He went to the door and opened it just a crack. Looking at the small figure wearing a hoodie, his face in a shadow, Taehyung asked with anticipation, ‘Are-are you Jungkook?’ _

_The boy was too nervous to speak and nodded meekly. Suddenly, Taehyung grabbed his arm and pulled him inside. The boy pulled back his hoodie and under the bright light of the living room, Taehyung finally saw his face. He looked barely 15 years old, all doe-eyed. Taehyung’s heart soared immediately._

_‘Hello! I’m Taehyung, your hyung. Welcome to your new home!’ he greeted and spread his arms wide, looking proud of their modest apartment._

_‘N-Nice to meet you, h-hyung. My name is Jeon Jungkook, pl-please take care of me,’ Jungkook finally spoken, his voice stuttering and his fingers twisting in his hands. He glanced at Taehyung but quickly looked down._

_Taehyung’s heart instantly melted at the sight of this shy and helpless looking child. Immediately, he gave the startled boy a warm hug, the way his grandmother used to do._

_‘Don’t you worry, Jungkook,’ Taehyung said softly. ‘I will be taking care of you from now on. Just stay close to me and you will be fine.’ Taehyung smiled and stroke his hair, feeling Jungkook’s warmth had already cured his homesickness._

_That winter night in November 2011 was a day he will never forget._

***

After reminiscing the first time he and Jungkook met, Taehyung looked at what he had just written in his diary - words he wished he had said to Jungkook to end this silent treatment they were giving each other for the past several days.

_I am not sorry at all for kissing you back that night. I have always wanted to be the first to do it but you caught me by surprise and I suddenly didn’t know what to do. I thought you were drunk and was not fully aware of your actions or your true feelings. Although I know how I truly feel about you, I didn’t want to confuse you in case you feel differently. I truly, truly lo-_

A light tapping on his door interrupted his reading.

‘Yes?’ he answered softly, wondering who, apart from him, would still be awake at one in the morning. He got up from his bed and opened the door quietly. There stood Jungkook, his face in the shadow of his hoodie and his fingers twisting in his hands.

‘Hyung, I-I…,’ and before he could finish saying, Taehyung grabbed his sleeve and pulled him inside the room.

Under the soft light of his bedside lamp, Taehyung saw his face – all doe-eyed and wretched. His heart melted.

‘Hyung, I’m so sorry, very sorry to treat you badly,’ Jungkook’s voice shaking. His eyes searched Taehyung’s face for his immediate forgiveness to release him from his guilt.

‘Oh, Kook, you didn’t do anything wrong,’ Taehyung’s gentle voice was soothing.

‘I miss you so much, hyung, it hurts.’ Jungkook’s hands went to Taehyung’s face, but he hesitated to touch him.

‘Oh, Kook, I miss you even more.’ Taehyung's hand pulled back Jungkook's hoodie, his fingers began running through his hair, as his habit.

Taehyung’s touch was so overwhelming that Jungkook slumped against his chest but Taehyung caught him in his arms into the warmest embrace they both have had this whole winter.


	8. Chapter 8

Jungkook was on his bed, his arms tightened possessively around Taehyung’s waist, his head tucked under his chin, nuzzling Taehyung’s warm neck. His left leg half-straddled Taehyung’s slim hip. Taehyung was on his side, his left arm under his head, his right arm curled Jungkook’s manly shoulders, his fingers buried in Jungkook’s luscious hair. They were not sleeping but relishing the warmth that radiates from each other’s bodies.

Taehyung had cuddled Jungkook countless times but this cuddle reminded him of the first one he had before their debut. When they were living together in their first dorm, in that one small bedroom with seven bunker beds, the old heater in the corner hardly reached both of them. Often times, they would curl tightly under their thin blankets, hugging their small pillows until Taehyung climbed into Jungkook’s bed one night because he could no longer endure the cold. He wrapped his whole body around the maknae like a human bolster, absorbing the younger’s body heat. Jungkook only stirred a little as if he knew it was Taehyung and snuggled into his chest. They were a natural fit. Since that night, the other members often see them sleeping together and thought it was an endearing sight.

No, this is better than their first time, Taehyung thought. When you have been out in the cold for too long and suddenly come home and step on the endol flooring, that warmth you feel under your feet is what he felt right now…and a new tingling sensation that travelled from his toes right to the tips of his fingers.

Taehyung couldn’t help but run his fingers through Jungkook’s hair, combing his long fringe gently so he could see his eyes, and his long eyelashes. Then his forefinger lightly traced the length of his aquiline nose, before settling on his plump lower lip. Taehyung’s heart was beating rapidly as he stared at Jungkook’s lips. Lately, his heart always acted this way whenever he gazed at Jungkook or when he is in close proximity. In fact, he has been stealing too many glances at the maknae and could not tear his eyes away from whatever Jungkook was doing in front of him. Taehyung moved closer, his mouth just inches away from the lips he had briefly kissed when Jungkook was drunk. His heart was pounding against his chest thinking of what he was about to do.

Taehyung wondered, _Am I falling in…_

Suddenly Jungkook stirred.

Taehyung held his breath.

***

Jungkook could feel Taehyung breathing very closely to him. He dared not opened his eyes but waited in anticipation of what he thought Taehyung was about to do. But after what seemed like eternity, he realised and accepted with sadness that Taehyung didn’t like him that way. Jungkook held Taehyung a little longer, inhaling the familiar scent of wild peonies and vanilla in his hair that has a calming effect on him. Then, he pulled himself away to sit up on the bed.

What’s wrong, Kook?’ Taehyung frowned at the sudden separation.

Jungkook looked dejectedly at Taehyung but right now he was resolved to be manly and speak his mind. ‘I’m fine but I need to ask you something.’

‘Okay.’ Taehyung sat up and folded his arms, looking straight at Jungkook who was rubbing his hands as if he was going to make an important statement.

‘I, huh, want to know…do you like Bogum?’

Startled by what appeared to him to be a random question, Taehyung reacted, ‘Why are you asking this again…’

‘Just a-answer, please’, Jungkook cut him off, his voice shaking.

‘Yes, I like Bogum, you know that already.’ Taehyung wasn’t sure where this was going.

‘What about Minjae? Do you like him, too?’

Taehyung stared at him in disbelief. ‘Of course, I like Minjae! Jungkook, why are you asking me this now?’

‘So…you like Minho-hyung, Jihan-hyung and Hyungsik-hyung as well, then,’ his voice softened and sad.

‘Yes, I like them. Very much.’ Suddenly he saw Jungkook’s eyes began to tear up. He could guess what Jungkook was about to ask him.

‘I see. Then what about me? Do you like me, too?’ Jungkook’s voice was a shrill cry as if afraid of Taehyung’s reply.

Without taking his eyes off him, Taehyung replied, ‘No, I don’t like you, Jungkook. Never had, to be honest.’ 


	9. Chapter 9

_‘Then what about me? Do you like me, too?’ _

Jungkook’s question finally answered Taehyung’s indecision and doubt about his own feelings. This gorgeous and talented human in front of him who is desired by the millions only has eyes for him, the one and only Kim Taehyung. Jungkook’s feelings for him have never changed. It is now his turn to come clean.

He kept his gaze and admitted,_ ‘No, I don’t like you, Jungkook. Never had, to be honest.’ _

Taehyung then smiled lovingly at Jungkook and thought that was a good start.

Jungkook couldn’t believe what he had just heard. _How could Taehyung say such cruel words to him? And now smiling at him? _He blinked several times trying to make sense of Taehyung’s cold-hearted reply. He felt he was being stabbed again by his hyung’s rejection but he couldn’t be mad because he was now certain that Taehyung had no romantic feelings towards him.

_I have to get out of here before he hurts me further_, Jungkook thought and turned to get off the bed but Taehyung pulled him back, causing him to almost fall onto his lap. Taehyung held his shoulders to steady him and sit even closer.

‘Hyung, stop!’ Jungkook protested, his swollen eyes straining not to burst but Taehyung raised his hand, his thumb catching the single tear that had fallen on his cheek. Smiling with tenderness at this adorably attractive yet vulnerable young man before him, Taehyung continued wiping his cheek, stroking it.

Jungkook was confused more than ever. ‘Why…why don’t you like me…like you do the others?’ Jungkook pleaded dejectedly.

Taehyung managed a little laugh though his eyes were glistening with tears. He sat even closer, cupped Jungkook’s face with both hands and truthfully said, ‘Because I love only you, silly. I have loved you since the beginning when..’

‘But you love Jimin-hyung…Jin-hyung…namjoon-hyung…all the members, too. I’m no different, right?’ Jungkook sniffed, sounding utterly miserable and resigned to be ordinary in Taehyung’s eyes.

Jungkook didn’t understand. Taehyung leaned in and caressed his face, adoring every inch of it. ‘Yes…I love all the members too. But no, _you_ are very different from all of them,’ he whispered and stared deeply into Jungkook’s dark brown eyes. Puzzled, Jungkook stared back at him. Taehyung could feel his heart being overwhelmed by this alluring sensation that seemed to radiate from Jungkook’s eyes and at the same time pulling him closer. By this time his heart was beating insanely fast he was going to lose his mind if he didn’t do something about it.

Taehyung’s gaze and continuous touching only quickened Jungkook’s breathing.

‘How…different, hyung?’ he nervously asked.

Taehyung wondered but couldn’t put his feelings into words anymore. His heart wouldn’t let him.

Jungkook’s throat went dry when Taehyung’s hand slowly moved to his neck and started caressing it. Everything about Taehyung’s touch is so different this time. It was electrifying.

Well, I don’t love the others like this,’ Taehyung replied steadily and then he closed in. Tenderly and quite shyly, he kissed him, his warm, soft lips covering Jungkook’s slightly parted ones, silencing his cry of surprise and relief. Jungkook became bolder and kissed Taehyung deeply as his arms swiftly enveloped his waist, pressing their bodies together, causing them both to fall back onto his bed.

‘Oh, Tae,’ Jungkook hummed his name as he buried his face in Taehyung’s neck and breathed in again the familiar scent of wild peonies and vanilla.

Having Jungkook in his arms, Taehyung felt his warmth completes him. Jungkook completes him.

Taehyung wondered if this was the warmth that Namjoon-hyung’s father was referring to at the dinner party.


	10. Final Chapter

‘Look, Hyung! Clingy TaeTae is back!’ Jimin hollered to Jin as they entered the kitchen.

They were greeted by the sight of Taehyung back hugging Jungkook who was standing at the stove, making what smelt like egg kimchi omelette. The two boys were giggling and tickling each other, oblivious to Jimin and Jin who were now standing right behind them.

‘Ahem!’ Jin cleared his throat so loudly, Jungkook almost dropped his spatula. Taehyung, however, kept his arms around Jungkook, unperturbed by the interruption. But he turned sideways and glared at Jimin, tightening his hold on Jungkook who was too embarrassed to move.

‘Hyung, I wonder why some people missed breakfast this morning,’ Jimin observed, nudging Jin.

‘Well, maybe because they already had each other for breakfast, ha ha!’ Jin laughed and high-fived Jimin who broke into giggles.

Taehyung and Jungkook suddenly looked at each other, their faces turning red almost instantly.

‘No, we didn’t!’ Taehyung objected to Jin’s teasing because he realised what Jin was referring to.

‘You mean, you haven’t…_yet_,’ Jin winked at Taehyung but did not wait to see his reaction. ‘C’mon Jimin, we need to pack up.’ They quickly left the kitchen, but could be heard laughing in the hallway.

Taehyung is no stranger to his members’ ribbings. It was all done in good fun, boys’ style and he never took them to heart. As to how much the members seriously approve of his romantic affections for Jungkook, he never really asked. But this time, he suddenly became more self-conscious of their suggestive remarks.

Jungkook pretended he didn’t hear anything while Taehyung sat down to eat his omelette without saying a word or daring to look at him.

***

Back in his room, Jungkook was putting away all his things into his suitcase. Sejin, their manager was arriving in an hour to collect their luggage while they ride back to Seoul in Jin’s eight-seater. The last item he was going to pack was a compact disk of a music video he had secretly created for Taehyung during the trip. On the cd cover, he had written _‘You Are All of My Life’ _below a drawing of a sleeping Taehyung. He drew it himself while watching Taehyung sleep last night or more exactly, early that morning. He had only slept for a few hours before waking up to see Taehyung lying next to him, looking as beautiful as ever.

It was no secret to the whole world that Jungkook admired Taehyung’s physical beauty. He was never shy to admit on camera on many occasions that he found Taehyung extremely handsome. Contrary to what many people or fans think, Jungkook isn’t nursing a huge boy crush on Taehyung or is merely physically attracted to him. He may be the youngest member in the group or even one of the youngest idol singers in the country but he is definitely not shallow, Jungkook would argue. He has met numerous idol singers both males and females in the industry whom he found extremely good looking, sexy, charming and highly talented. But he doesn’t really know them and they don’t know him either, the real Jeon Jungkook.

Only one person in this world truly knows him, and has seen his real, vulnerable self and not judged him. Taehyung allows Jungkook to let his guard down, to make mistakes in order to feel free. At the same time, Taehyung showers him with encouragement, praises and affection whenever his spirit feels broken. This Taehyung, in Jungkook’s eyes, is far more beautiful than the Taehyung the world is only able to see. And right now, Jungkook is over the moon that he is being loved by such a beautiful person.

***

It was already mid-afternoon when Sejin left with their luggage. The boys were now standing in the driveway, waiting to say goodbye to Namjoon and his parents. He was going to spend the remaining three weeks of their scheduled break with his family and then do some travelling on his own. The rest of the members also had plans of their own once they return to Seoul.

Mr and Mrs Kim hugged every single member and when it finally came to Jungkook, Mr Kim had to ask, ‘Jungkook-ah, how can you tell if a person is the one for you_?’_

Jungkook who was standing next to Taehyung glanced at him and then replied with certainty, ‘When he warms my heart like no other.’

That declaration immediately sent a tingling sensation through Taehyung’s body.

***

The car was cruising along the country road that led to Seoul, allowing the boys to enjoy Ilsan’s natural beauty for the last time. Hobi was chatting animatedly with Jin in the front seat while behind them Jimin and Yoongi were listening to the songs on their phones. It was very quiet in the back seat because Taehyung and Jungkook were apparently asleep as could be seen from Jin’s rear view mirror. Jungkook leant against the car window, his arm holding Taehyung tightly around the shoulders. Taehyung’s arms wrapped Jungkook’s waist rather possessively, his head nestled on his shoulder wanting to snuggle even closer to his chest. Jungkook stirred and with half-opened lids, he brought one hand to squeeze Taehyung’s and their fingers intertwined.

‘Kook.’

‘Hmm…’

‘I’m in love with you,’ Taehyung finally confessed.

‘I know,’ Jungkook smiled and held him closer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, my Winter series is completed! If you think I should begin a Spring series, please leave some suggestions in the comments section. Thank you for reading my story:)


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